i have to go to china...there is no choice for me. =(
i really really want to play for the concert..i will nv ever enjoy myself in china...i really wont.
i was pretending and trying to be ok.pretend that i will not be that depressed over it...but i cant do it now!! seeing the list of names that will appear on the programme.seeing the practices dates...seeing what zi-xian wrote really makes me all depressed again.i hate this.i want to play for the concert.i really want to.it had been 3 years since i had played in a real concert..worst still...this is my first concert with mus`art.i want to play in it.i really do.
why must this happen to me.i was so excited over it...now.it is gone.it is gone.i cant pretend anymore.i cant smile anymore.my smile...my happiness for the rest of the year is taken away just like that.i can only spend the rest of my year feeling depressed. i know that i am going to regret this for the rest of my life.i will.
days for my misery to end - countless..endless..
[pleasingears - 'ihatemyself'ihateeverything']
lurfe
hurts mie ;
+
11/29/2004 11:21:00 PM `
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